This will be a bit of a jumble blog, hence the title 🙂
I’m writing this with just 3 weeks left of ministry. October started & my birthday passed which means that we are less than 30 days from standing back on our “WELCOME HOME” mats on our doorsteps somewhere in that country that every person I’ve come across on The Race so badly wishes to one day end up. I’ve had lots of milestones throughout this trip. Chopping the time up in my brain made it seem a little shorter than it actually was. You know what I mean.
How am I feeling about returning home? Every time I’m asked, I think my answer has always been different. So excited. Bruh, i’m sad. I literally cannot wait. I don’t know if I want to leave now. It can’t come soon enough. Come on, let’s focus on today. I’ve been waiting 11 months for this moment. It’s going to be hard.
I keep getting stuck on that last one. I’m stuck in the middle of being hopeful the way David was in the midst of chaos but also doubtful & assuming the worst like Paul when he split ways with Barnabas. Now that I think about it, I sound a little like David above, truly, all flip-floppy & not really knowing how I’m actually feeling or maybe I am just feeling so many emotions at once that it’s just all coming out. Nonetheless, the last thing I think about are the difficulties that lay ahead.
What’s been holding me together is an eternal mindset. It’s the reality that no matter what life I live or go back to, it will never compare to life with Jesus one day. But if life with Jesus is the ultimate goal then why not live like I’m living with Him today or tomorrow or when I get home? As I’m becoming more familiar with the scriptures in the bible, I’m realizing that nothing really was left out of it. A joyful, life giving, purpose filled life is here. There’s equation after equation that reveal the product we are all chasing after… and when I say ALL, I mean all. You too. It’s easy to be side tracked by the things I don’t like about coming home or wish I could change but honestly, it’s easier to continue to hope in the Lord.
I remember the first week of about every country we transitioned into. I remember at times questioning why I was on this team & partnered with that ministry, in this role & sleeping in the same room as that person. There were so many things I wanted to change & really, I could’ve been miserable. I could’ve chose to be frustrated & mad at a God for such a thing but what does that go to say about the life that I live “devoted” to Him?
I signed up for the hardships I’ve faced on this race & I am also signing up for hardships that come with returning home. God has made life really simple for me. He’s given me a way out of every single moment of suffering by going directly through it with me, at my hip. I’ve learned more than I’ve ever expected about communion with Jesus & plan to learn more through every single moment at home that I wish I could change.
Love always,
P
I love this post ! Keep waiting on the Lord and don’t be tired of waiting. Feel the emotions they are neither right or wrong they just are. You have been such a good and faithful servant to the Lord throughout this whole thing. May the love of God the father keep you and overwhelm you . May the Lord Jesus Christ’s grace surprise you and excite you. May the holy spirit comfort you in your afflictions and keep you company as you wrestle . Thanks for the updates was an honor to be a part of the journey . Proud of you ! Can’t wait to hear all about it :,) p.s I still think about you when I see a salt shaker on a table 🧂
Your perspective on wrapping up is raw and real! I know you will finish well as you wait on the Lord and continue to serve him wherever you are. Can’t wait till I see you next on American soil! Praying!
Dear Payton, Everything in life is a mixed bag. Those relationships that are so challenging are the sand in our oysters that causes the pearl or pearls within us to develop. They build character within. I honestly don’t know how God loves everyone, when I struggle to love people who rub me the wrong way. But He teaches us to see beyond the walls people put up, the jagged edges, and spikes they put up to keep us away. They reveal my own walls, jagged edges, and spikes. Glad you are keeping your focus on God who helps us with all of that!