The hardest part about walking away from my sin & never going back is the fear of missing out on the laughs, the thrill, love & friendships. I forgot to say the laughs that usually end in crying (& not the good kind), the thrill that is mostly derived from a sense of doing wrong, fake love & unfruitful friendships. I think about the times I don’t necessarily regret because of the hysterical memories it made but of the pain that was caused from the decision almost makes it worth stopping. A drink led to shame, a few broken friendships, being deemed as a hypocrite, soul ties, a messy night, words that I didn’t mean to say & thoughts that wouldn’t cross my mind otherwise. A puff led to a cry of loneliness, a hopeless night, a reminder that I wanted to be anything but this, a deep depression & eventually a longing to find a way out of this world. A porn addiction led to lusting, dabbling in homosexuality, a false definition of love & thoughts that purity is a myth. This is the way of the world. How was I supposed to know otherwise?
Once I was told that there was a God who created the heavens & earth. After creating the beauty I get to admire, He created me for relationship with Him. But because my ancestors refused to listen to God & act in their own way, sin fell into the world I live in. I was born into an imperfect world. A world that retreats to safety & comfort by feeding it what it feels it needs to ease the pain: alcohol, addiction, drugs, sex, violence, etc. In the midst of this reality, a God so good decided to send His son Jesus to walk the earth for a purpose. He walked the earth as an example of who we as beings should be like, how we should love others & how we should treat the earth around us. The best part is that shortly after, God sent His son Jesus to the cross to be crucified for our sins. Jesus didn’t want to be nailed to a cross, spit on, tortured or anything we probably wouldn’t want to do but He knew the will of His Father & that was to reconcile us with Him. This was the one & only way to redeem us by washing us clean & giving us the opportunity to commune with His Holy Spirit that was sent on earth through rising from the grave 3 days later. It’s miraculous & sounds like a crazy dream, I know. But trust me on this one, it’s worth it.
Like I said before, there’s moments in life I miss. Sinful moments at that. Thinking of the harm that followed is almost worth quitting completely. I’m at a point in life where I’m realizing this is the reason why I could never escape my past. It’s the same reason why I would get “freed” from a sin pattern yet return to it months later when I get lonely. The same reason why I thought I could handle just one drink this time. The problem is that my reason for turning from sin was to minimize the pain and hurt that follows the sin. But hear me out, if I also use the sin to minimize the pain & hurt, which option am I more likely to choose? If you chose sin, unfortunately, you’re right.
Our reason to choose life over sin should never be to stray away from the hurt it brings but should come from a complete understanding of the Lord’s goodness. My choice to live righteous needs to come from a place of being completely in love with God, aware of His holiness & infinite pursuit & love for me. The only way to completely escape a life of sin is to desire God more than the sin itself. It’s to understand the glory ahead brings greater anticipation than the thrill of playing games with the enemy. In other words, like my friend Bella says, “Freedom is found in being trapped with the Lord.”
Sin is false freedom. It’s only fun for so long. It’s temporary just like that bottle or the spliff. It only lasts for so long until it needs to be practiced yet again to receive a high. It’s also incredibly addictive. We’re likely to feel more depressed, shameful, guilty, sad & lonely after committing the act. If you’re like me, you’ve probably put some of your identity into these entities & feel lost without them. Reconstruct your identity to be found in Jesus, where it belongs. There is no other way to find life than in Christ who created you & the life you live. The world tells us everyday that it is possible to live without God but because there is no life outside of Him like John 8 proclaims, it isn’t actually possible.
God is forgiving. God is full of grace. God is loving. Micah 7:18 tells us that He alone will excuse our guilt & overlook our sin without holding a grudge because all He wants is to shower us in love. He delights in us to reciprocate with delight in Him. He forgives because just like the parable of the lost son in Luke 15, we too will grow an awareness of our need for our Father when we allow ourselves to give up control or like verse 17 says, when we finally come to our senses. God invited me back in where I choose life over death. He celebrates that I was lost but now I’m found. Hallelujah you have saved me, it’s so much better your way.
Now, how do I practically continue to follow the Lord’s will & fall deeper & deeper in love with Him so that when the world becomes tempting, I don’t fall?
Community: We were never created to do life alone. We NEED like minded believers to study the word & do life with. We need prayer warriors & people we can trustingly walk through seasons of life with. This is a non negotiable.
”Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.“ James 5:16
Mentors: Get some older folks who are the same gender as you that have gone through these parts of life already to walk you through with prayer. It helps knowing someone with experience in areas you may be struggling. I recommend adopting a mentor who you feel comfortable “goin there” with. The conversation can be scary & awkward but once again, we weren’t made to figure this life thing out alone!
”Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.“ Proverbs 13:20
Accountability: If you are like me, you’re likely to go back to your old ways out of comfort. Don’t be like the old P, seek accountability!!! (bars.) Ask a friend, mentor, pastor or someone in your close community to hold you accountable in 1 or a number of things. I’ve had to seek accountability in not texting certain people which looks like giving my friend full authority to ask me who I’m talking to while on my phone, letting others scroll through my photos, making a pact to not buy even one drink, having someone be aware of my location & so much more. We all need accountability & sometimes even asking for it mentally helps you abstain from whatever it is because it’s been voiced (now don’t go just talking to a mirror, actually ask hehe).
”Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.“ Galatians 6:1-2
Filled with love & compassion, God ran to me, His daughter, embraced me & kissed me. This is what God did for me.
<3 P
Thank you for sharing Payton! Good practical advice for living a life worthy of Him and pleasing Him in every way.
“My choice to live righteous needs to come from a place of being completely in love with God, aware of His holiness & infinite pursuit & love for me. The only way to completely escape a life of sin is to desire God more than the sin itself” – This is soooo true! Focus on God in praise, gratitude and worship (not just singing, it’s so much more than that) causes the pull towards sin to fade and eventually go away. We come to realize that the pleasure of sin always comes with pain that’s far greater than the fun part. With Satan’s way it’s fun, then pain. God’s way it’s suffering at times, but pleasures forevermore!
“The world tells us everyday that it is possible to live without God but because there is no life outside of Him like John 8 proclaims, it isn’t actually possible.” I actually remember thinking that I could do things without God’s help (when Jesus said He could do nothing apart from the Father). Ha! How WRONG I was! I now know how prideful and full of Satan that thought was. Truly, there is NO life outside of God.