Spirit Over Flesh

Should I shower right this second and start unpacking or write a blog? Ahhh, this room is so dusty, how will I comfortably sit here and write? Should I just sit down and write what’s on my heart now while it’s fresh or take notes for later? Maybe I’ll remember what the Lord is speaking to me after my shower. Welp, I forgot my password to my laptop that I remembered was “1234” after 30 minutes of going through 50 verification steps to change it. I know God is prompting me to sit down in my mess of a room now though. I know this feeling of being asked to soak in worship and let my thoughts come out. I know that He wants me to sit and reflect in these moments when they arise because HE wants to sit besides me as I come to a pause.

Well, I’m doing it. After a long 11 months overseas and a bittersweet goodbye to my 11 best friends yesterday, I’ve already conquered being obedient in the small things this morning. I stayed up till 4am driving around town with my younger brother because God forbid I walk into this empty room with a big bed fit for 3 and fall asleep not knowing what tomorrow looks like.

I woke up seeking the face of Jesus in scripture and prayer this morning but it wasn’t long before I started complaining about the ants on my dresser, the uncleanliness of my room, misplaced items, boxes everywhere and my missing running shoes. Grace. “God I need your strength this morning. Holy Spirit fill me with joy, patience, peace, love, forgiveness, mercy, everything. I need it and I need more of it now.” This prayer erupted out of my mouth as I finally untucked myself from the pile of blankets on me. The thoughts that led me into this prayer were not of holiness, righteousness or anything of that sort though. But, in that moment, I had the opportunity to CHOOSE how the trajectory of today would play out. I contemplated choosing to stay in bed all day, let my bags rot on the floor, maybe watch a couple hallmark movies in bed and avoid people and cold air as much as possible. (*If this is what YOU needed today, this is what YOU needed.)

What God was asking of me was to trust Him. This morning, Holy Spirit asked me if I truly wanted to return home changed. Of course, my answer was “YES!” but what He was asking was, “Are you willing to give what it takes, to sacrifice your desires and comforts to walk anew?” And again, my answer was “yes” but as you can see, in a little softer manner because I remember the cost and I also remember the times where I felt the cost was too heavy a burden to carry and chose away from it. This time I’m choosing God’s strength and endurance. I’m choosing to be filled in a manner that overflows into the people around me. I’m choosing to talk different, walk different, see and think differently. Yes, Satan will come, he already tried this morning. My flesh desired to sit in entitlement over the many complaints I had but what stopped me from running with those thoughts is the power of the Spirit inside of me that actually desired transparency with my situation but overall, contentedness and joy in Jesus.

This morning, I woke up, spent a few moments discombobulated with the Lord as you just learned, listened to worship music to get my head in the right space, went on a run, took the time to smile and say “good morning” to each person I saw on the trail (BIG win for me) and added “no complaining” to my ‘Returning Home Step of Actions’ list.

It’s not yet noon and I’ve already “Won the Day” as Mark Batterson says. God is good. He is full of grace and deep compassion for His sons and daughters. He loves a willing heart and doesn’t define us by the million moments we fail to reflect Him everyday. Instead, He continues to choose us in every single moment and we get to witness this through the sacrifice of His son Jesus on the cross.

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.” Philippians 2:13

With love,

P